An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100 percent.
When the elderly gentleman went back to the doctor for a checkup a month later, the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

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For 30 years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 a.m. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.
So, when on one particular day 9 a.m. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at 10 a.m., Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”
And the boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?”

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